


Amaranthine

by blueberrytea



Series: Petrichor [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, teen!ben solo, teen!hux, that's all I can give away for now ;)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6152515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberrytea/pseuds/blueberrytea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hux is thoroughly disillusioned with the First Order. It's natural that, when offered the chance to get the hell away from it, he gladly accepts. Little does he know that this decision, though seemingly self-contained, will change the fate of the galaxy and the path of one Ben Solo...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Things to Know:  
> a) Based off of this thingy here: http://tinyemotrashcan.tumblr.com/post/137122340154/teenkylux-au  
> b) No Ben yet, but he'll be introduced in chapter two, don't worry!  
> c) I do not know nor care what kind of escape ship Hux steals. AU MEANS I CAN DO WHAT I WANT SHUT YOUR FACE  
> d) Have some characters from my brain for Hux to interact with. Yay. (I hope they're well-developed gah)  
> e) I love all y'all and thanks so much for all of the support!
> 
> EDIT: Y'know, I've come to accept the fact that I'm just not the kind of person to write novel-length fic because I switch fandoms so often. I will always love this AU and this ship but I don't think I'll be able to finish this story--it's just how I work. I'm so sorry, y'all.

Hux was horrified.

Absolutely, cold-fear-rolling-down-his-back horrified.

These people were innocent but their village had been burned and broken beyond repair--and for what? Some useless relic?

Hux supposed he wasn’t supposed to question. At seventeen, he was only an apprentice, and his highers had decided he was ready to observe his first _real_ battle--but as he stood there under the forest canopy watching blameless people being slaughtered all he could think was, _they should’ve waited longer._

Maybe then he wouldn’t feel this utter revulsion toward the only place he’d ever called home.

The ride back to Starkiller wasn’t any better. He was silent (not that he was excessively talkative on normal days) the whole way back to the base, earning a few sidelong glances but, thankfully, nothing more from his mentor.

Everything was terrible. _They_ were terrible. They were terrible and he was stuck with them, in the First Order.

Hux suddenly felt very small.

He spent the rest of his workday under a cloud, and when he headed back to the dorms for the night he wanted only to be alone. That lovely concept lasted for all of two minutes.

“Hey-ah, Hux,” one of Hux’s roommates, Sahl, sang loudly as he entered the room.

“Hey-ah, Sahl,” Hux answered apathetically from the lower bunk of the bed he shared with another boy named Donnsky.

“You look right knackered, mate. Long day?”

“You wouldn’t believe.”

“Hey, weren’t you out in the field?” Sahl grinned and swung around the steel bedpost to sit next to Hux, who was curled on his side with his face smushed into his pillow.

“Yeah.” Hux rolled onto his back, hugging the pillow to his chest.

“So?” Sahl leaned in closer, excitement flickering in his lively brown eyes. “How was it?”

Hux contemplated for a moment. Sahl was an awful liar himself, but he was quick to spot it in other people. Besides, Hux didn’t think any amount of backpedaling and mood-shifting could convince the other boy now. He clenched the pillow tighter to him.

“That bad?” Sahl’s face fell a bit as he said it. Hux felt guilty.

“It was...” Hux trailed off. Sahl raised his eyebrows, waiting. Hux sighed and let go. “Yeah, it was. It was horrible.”

“Did you see anyone get...y’know, killed?”

“Lots of people. They were gunning them down like it didn’t mean anything at all. It made me feel sick.”

“That’s awful, mate.”

“And all for some stupid relic from the old world that won’t do us any good. I don’t understand. Honestly, I like learning about the military stuff, but...it doesn’t seem right.”

“Well, we all know about your aversion to the Order, mate.”

“I know, I never shut up. But seeing it for real is--”

“Hey-ah, Hux,” A third voice sounded from the doorway. Hux twisted around to see Donnsky leaning against the doorframe. “Hey-ah, Quin.” Sahl’s face split into a grin at the mention of his name, standing to kiss the other boy.

“No PDA in the room,” Hux scolded, chucking his pillow half-heartedly at the couple. “Vern’ll have an aneurysm if he sees you two.”

“Yeah, well,” Sahl plastered on a sly grin, wrapping his arms around Donnsky’s neck. “He’s not here, is he?” Hux scoffed and flopped back on the bed. He heard giggling, but he didn’t care.

“How was your first day out, Hux?” The bed shifted as Donnsky climbed up to the top bunk.

“He’s gonna up and start a mutiny,” Sahl joked as he shrugged off his jacket and threw it at Donnsky. It missed and hit Hux’s foot.

“Shut up,” Hux exhaled, slinging an arm over his face.

“Well, I’m in,” the boy above Hux said. “I need out of this place. I gotta see real trees again.”

“I’m not starting a mutiny,” Hux huffed. “I’m just complaining, same as ever. I’m so fed up with the Order, it’s such a--”

“Dictatorship run by a gaggle of power whores, yeah.” Sahl sprawled out on his bed, across the room from Hux. He hung his head off the edge, mess of dark curls (Hux didn’t know how he got away with his hair being so long) dangling close to the floor. “So you’ve said.”

“Shut it, I can’t rant to anyone else.”

“Devastating.” Sahl let out a squeak as he was hit in the face with Donnsky’s shirt.

“Let him talk, love,” the boy told Sahl, who was currently slithering head-first onto the floor. Hux rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s fine,” he said. “I should probably go to bed anyway.”

“Don’t think about it too much,” Donnsky suggested. “That’s what I try to do.” Hux sighed heavily, then laid back on the bed.

“I wish I could quit,” he declared. “Curse my heritage.”

Donnsky huffed a laugh.

“Yeah,” he added. “Curse the naivety that drove me to sign up.”

“Curse this whole damned place,” Sahl finished. He got up from the floor and smiled cynically at the two of them. “What else can we do?”

~*~

The days passed, and Hux’s distaste for the Order grew with each one.

There were more missions that left a seasick feeling in his stomach and no will whatsoever to do anything but sleep. There were more days that left a bitter, singed feeling in his chest and a hopeless, blue-tinted filter over everything.

“Not to say I didn’t support your rebellion before,” Donnsky said one night as he came back to the room. “But if there was any shred of doubt about the Order’s morals, it’s gone.” Hux looked up at him from where he was sitting on the floor, sketchbook splayed in front of him.

“First field day?”

Donnsky nodded and then paused, running a hand through his chestnut hair. He tugged at the short strands thoughtfully.

“Is it just me,” Donnsky started, “or, apart from the both of us, does no one else notice how unnecessarily violent the Order is? I mean...do you think everyone else thought this way at first?”

“I didn’t see Vern go through any sort of change. He had his first day ages ago.”

Donnsky scoffed.

“That blonde bastard? I don’t know if he’s even capable of feeling things.” Hux snorted. He closed his sketchbook and slipped it back under his mattress, sitting on the bed. Donnsky joined him. “It’s just...how is everyone okay with being this...” he gestured wildly in the air.

“Wicked?” Hux proposed. “It’s because the Order’s got copious amounts of power. A reign of terror is better than no reign at all.”

“I don’t think it’s worth it,” Donnsky decided. “But I suppose there’s nothing I can do. We’re stuck in the academy. I might as well shoot myself into space.”

“Don’t do that,” Hux said. “We’d miss you too much.” Donnsky cuffed him on the shoulder and stood.

“I’m heading down to the mess hall. You should come. Get something to eat.”

“I’m not really hungry. I might join you in a bit, maybe, but I’m quite tired.”

“That’s fine.” Donnsky paused at the door. “Take care of yourself, all right?” Hux felt himself smile.

“I’ll try.”

“Good.” The door swished shut and Hux was alone again.

He sat for a while, contemplating whether he had the energy to move or not. At some point he fell asleep, and into strange dreams where the odor of a forest after a hard rain danced in spirals around him and a lilting tune was being sung by a boy he couldn’t quite see.

It was early the next morning when Hux was shaken awake.

Half-asleep, he was relayed information at lightning speed and ushered out of bed--apparently, a Resistance pilot had been captured while on an outer rim planet and had been detained on high security.

Apparently, the room holding the pilot was now empty.

Hux hurried down a corridor in the central base next to Vern, uniform tugging uncomfortably in certain places (he’d dressed with so much haste that one of the seams on his undershirt had ripped).

“--if only you’d told me yesterday--” Vern was saying. Hux cut him off.

“I didn’t even know anything had happened! I swear, I--”

“Ignorant and unobservant, as always--”

“Don’t--” A hand shot out and grabbed a handful of Hux’s sleeve, pulling him around a corner. Vern whirled around, only to meet a blaster aimed directly at his face.

“Damn,” the person now clutching Hux’s throat said. “I thought you were officers.”

“We’re--” Vern started, but was swiftly silenced.

“I don’t care who you are. You’re going to help me.”

Vern’s eyes went wide and Hux could see the gears turning in his head. He opened his mouth to yell something but was silenced again by a shot to the leg.

“Sorry about that,” the voice behind Hux said as Vern’s yells echoed through the alcove. The blaster was now aimed at Hux’s right cheekbone. “But we need to get going. You’re not going to run, are you?”

“No,” Hux choked out.

“Good,” the voice responded, and Hux felt the grip on his throat loosen. He gasped in a breath, rubbing at the tender spot left behind. Hux’s captor made her way around him, allowing him to get a better look at who she was. She was tall, taller than him, with dark brown skin and a mass of frizzy hair. She didn’t look all that much older than Hux, maybe by two or three years. She pulled a protesting Vern further into the alcove, pointing the blaster nonchalantly at Hux’s face.

Hux felt realization the size of a bantha crush the air out of his chest.

“Are you the pilot?” He asked, a grin spreading across his face.

“Pilot?” The woman shook her head. “So, I’ve already made a name for myself.”

“You are, you’re from the--”

“It doesn’t matter. Listen, are there any uniforms I can steal around here?”

“You--” Hux sighed. “What exactly are you planning to do?” The pilot looked up from Vern.

“I’m getting the hell off of this sith-damned planet. Come on, I don’t have a whole heaping lot of time--” she broke off as something caught her eye over Hux’s shoulder.

Before Hux knew what was happening a guard was yelling, ‘hey!’ and collapsing onto the floor with one shot from the woman.

“Guess I don’t need your help, I got the uniform,” she said. “Although there’s a hole in it now. Ah, I can hide it. I should probably deal with you as well, shouldn’t--”

“You don’t need a uniform,” Hux blurted.

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t need to be disguised--there’s a row of escape ships across the hall and down that corridor.” Hux felt dead. Or maybe dreaming? He didn’t know what he was doing.

The woman stared at him for a second, eyebrows raised high.

“Are you fucking me over?”

“No,” Hux said, and took a deep breath. He pushed all the doubt out of his mind, steeled himself, and stated, “I’m Hux. I’m coming with you.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

“Come on, I’m not any trouble.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Try finding someone else on this base who’s willing to help you.”

The woman scrunched up her face in frustration, letting out a sort of growl from between her teeth.

“Okay, fine. But only because I absolutely need you. And expect to be shipped off from where I’m going.”

“As long as I get out of here. What can I call you?”

“Zan. That’s what everyone else does. We need to hurry, where’d you say the ships were?”

“Follow me.” Hux peeked around the corner, then, seeing that the coast was clear, dashed across the hallway and took off down the corridor. “It’s those hatches up ahead!” Hux called over his shoulder, and skidded to a stop. “Dammit! They need clearance.” He examined the panel next to the hatch. “I could try my badge...”

“If you’re going to try anything, try it now!” Hux registered the muffled exclamation of someone in the hallway behind them and was sent into frantic overdrive. He held his card up to the scanner, and his breath tight in his lungs. Thankfully, after several moments, the scanner flashed green. “We’re clear,” Hux said, and wrenched open the door.

“Why are you so bent on coming with me?” Zan asked, curling her long legs into the tight space. Hux squeezed in after her.

“I hate it here,” Hux answered simply. It was the truth.

“Yeah, well, there’s something we have in common. Just don’t try anything funny or I’ll kill you.”

“Fair,” Hux replied, and pulled the door shut.

~*~

“You never told me where we were headed, exactly,” Hux said, breaking a long silence.

Zan had her hands on the steering mechanism and a determined expression on her face.

“That’s confidential,” she responded.

“Are we close?”

“About another five minutes.” Hux exhaled, swallowed. He was starting to feel a bit nauseous, what with his stomach not being accustomed to space travel.

A hefty hit to the ship did not help that situation.

“What was that?” Hux asked.

“Oh, shit. There’s an asteroid belt in between...shit, shit, shit, I forgot about that sonnuva--” Zan frantically tugged at the controls. “Ah, we’re gonna go down. The eject lever should be on the right side of your seat, I can tell you when--”

“Wait, that’s it? One hit and--aah!” The ship was tossed around again, an ominous clanking sounding from the walls.

“Well, I knew _that_ was going to happen! If we’re going through an asteroid belt, we’re bound to get hit more than once!”

“Fine! Stop shouting and tell me when--” Hux was cut off by another asteroid hitting the ship. They were gaining speed now, starting to be drawn toward the planet. Hux felt the beginnings of gravity’s pull in his stomach, wrestling with a chill of fear--he’d never thought of his death as this much of a possibility before.

“Okay,” Zan yelled over the various beeping noises bouncing around inside the small vessel. “We’re just breaking into the atmosphere, so we’re going to start burning up--I’m trying to aim for the base we’re headed to, and if we straighten out, the viewscreen should give a full view of how close to the ground we are! If not, well--we’ll just have to guess!”

Hux was shaking. He clutched the edge of his seat, feeling the ship grow warmer.

The viewscreen suddenly went blank.

“Shit! We lost the sensor band!” Zan let go of the controls, feeling around the bottom of her seat.

“What are we going to do?”

“Like I said--guess!” Zan’s face lit up. “Ah! Found it! Your eject lever is on the _left_ side! Damn, they’re always on the right...” Hux groped around until his hand met a large metal lever. “Okay, I’m going to give us a count of five, and on five you pull that fucker as hard as you can, all right?”

“All right!”

“Here we go...five...four...three...two...” Terror overcame Zan’s face.

“What is it?”

“My--my--” Zan yanked wildly at the lever. “It’s stuck!”

“What?!”

“My lever’s stuck! It--” She wrenched the lever upward with both hands. “Stupid sith-damned piece of malfunctioning--”

“I’m sorry!” Hux shouted.

“What?”

“I said I’m sorry!”

“For wh--”

Hux pulled his lever.

He felt despicable.

He watched as the ship hurtled away from him and toward the lake they’d been flying over. It made a terrific splash when it broke the surface, sinking down so Hux couldn’t see it anymore.

The wind carried him out past the lake and to (Hux winced as he thought of Donnsky) lush green trees and grasses. He grew nervous as he neared the ground, which was approaching fast--and as he put his legs out to skid to a stop one of his feet caught on something, sending him tumbling over the land. When he finally rolled to a stop, he was quite dizzy.

_White,_ he thought, _is such a funny thing._ His white parachute was spread over his face, allowing light to seep through it. _It exists, but it’s not really there at all._

Hux wasn’t sure how long he lied there, letting himself be devoured by almost every possible emotion. When he did get out from under the parachute, the sun (yes, there was only one) had been slung low in the sky, warning of an oncoming night.

Hux figured he should start walking.

First, he discarded his jacket. He didn’t know what kind of folk inhabited the planet, but regardless, he wanted to distance himself from the Order as much as he could.

He set off into the forest, ogling in the low light at the trees--their trunks shot up taller than Hux’s previously tree-less mind could’ve ever fathomed and their leaves cast spotty shadows over the ground that danced back and forth. Hux appreciated every part of them tremendously, and felt the urge to stand and gape at his new surroundings every couple of steps. However, Hux knew, he had to keep walking.

Zan had said she was aiming for the base. The question was, how far off had she been?

Hux trekked through the trees and the leaves and the shadows until his feet couldn’t hold him up anymore.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! This is kinda slow, I know, but it'll get better. I promise.

“Hey, you awake?” Someone was shaking Hux’s shoulders. He tried to lift his eyelids, but they were unnaturally heavy. A sound escaped his lips, carried by breath, and it was so soft he didn’t know if he’d imagined it or not.

“All right,” the same voice said. “You’ll have time to wake up later.” Strong, solid arms latched under Hux’s knees and neck, and he was lifted into the air for a few moments before being set down on a soft surface.

“Yeah, there’s someone out here. I’m taking him to base.” The voice paused as something garbled incomprehensibly, as if through a radio. “Roger. I’m heading back now.”

Hux felt a vague sensation of relief before he fell back into darkness.

~*~

Everything was white. Again.

Although this time there were shapes.

“...have no sense of where he came from, but we haven’t flown out again since--” Two figures were standing at the foot of the bed he was lying in. Hux blinked away the blurriness and his surroundings came into focus: 

He was in what looked like a medical bay, a row of beds lining two opposite walls. Some of the beds were occupied, but it looked like the room was relatively empty. The people standing opposite from him were very different—one was a very small, muscular twi’lek with orange skin wearing soft brown clothing. The other was a boy in beige robes, tall and slightly gangly.

“Are you awake?” The twi’lek uncrossed her arms and leaned forward a bit, looking at Hux.

“As far as I can tell,” Hux replied. His mouth was very dry.

“Let’s go get the nurse,” the twi’lek suggested to the boy, who nodded. They each stole one more glance at Hux before exiting the room, leaving him alone.

There were no windows, he noticed, just cement walls.

This must be the base Zan was headed for, Hux thought. He wondered what planet they were on. Zan hadn’t let him look out the window in the shuttle, to his disappointment, and he felt rather disoriented.

Within a few moments, the door to the opened again and nurse made his way over to Hux, followed by the boy from earlier.

“Nice to see you up,” the nurse said to Hux. “How are we feeling?”

“Not the best,” Hux replied. “Er, would you mind telling me where I am?”

“I believe that’s not for me to decide,” the nurse said with a smile. He had pretty green eyes and mischievous features. Hux liked him.

“As long as I’m not dead,” Hux sighed with resignation.

The nurse laughed.

“As long as you’re not dead,” he agreed. “Although you might have a headache for a while, it looks like you gave your skull a good knock. You seem to have a mild concussion.”

“Wonderful,” Hux sighed.

“Yes, I know, but it doesn’t look serious. The most you’ll have is a bit of blurred vision, maybe some nausea, but the symptoms will subside within the week. I wouldn’t worry.” The nurse smiled again, writing a few things on a clipboard. “All right, I think we can get you up and about. I believe this lovely young man is here to escort you?” The nurse turned to the boy behind him, who suddenly went a shade paler. He cleared his throat.

“Uh, yeah. I’m supposed to take you to, um, questioning.” The boy ducked his head and the nurse swatted him with the clipboard.

“Come on, Ben, they’re not going to question him.” He turned back to Hux. “He makes it sound much worse than it is. I trust you can stand by yourself?”

Hux nodded.

“Good. Then I’ll leave you two to discuss. Make sure to check out when you leave, and good luck.” The nurse grinned and Hux couldn’t help but smile back at him, wincing at the throbbing behind his eyes.

“Thank you,” he said.

“No problem,” the nurse replied cheerily, and then left the room.

Hux swung his feet over the side of the bed, relishing the cold floor on his bare feet. He was dressed in a soft white shirt and pants, but he still felt the layer of grime settled on his skin. He was suddenly overcome with the need to bathe.

“So…” Hux began, “Questioning? Should I show up in this?” He tugged at his shirt, smirking. The boy cracked a nervous smile and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Unfortunately, that might be what’s happening. I was supposed to find you clothes, but I sort of fucked up.” The boy blushed. “’Scuse me. Screwed up.”

Hux smiled wider, endearment toward the boy welling up in him. “It’s fine. I’ve always liked people who swear.” The boy grinned. “I’m Hux, by the way.”

“Ben.” Ben stuck out his hand, which Hux took.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” Ben let go of his hand, rocking back on his heels.

“So, clothes?”

“Oh! Yeah. Right. Um, I fucked up. There was a miscommunication. Someone told me I was supposed to bring you stuff but I didn’t get your sizes and things just…anyway. I think we’re going to have to bring you to my—I mean, the general—like this. If that’s okay.”

Hux bit his lip to keep from giggling at the boy’s utter awkwardness.

“That’s all right, I guess. It’s comfortable.”

“Good. Great. Um, let’s go, then.” Ben turned and sauntered to the door, Hux following close behind him. They stepped out of the room and into a hallway with shiny floors and more concrete walls. A few nurses in white uniforms strode through the halls.

“This way,” Ben said, and headed off to the left.

“Are we underground?” Hux noticed there were also no windows in the various various rooms they passed.

“Partially.” Ben cut ahead of Hux in a single file, allowing a nurse with a wheelchair to get through. “We’re on the bottom floor. The rest of the building is above ground, though. There’s some actual light up there.”

Hux chuckled. Ben smiled, quick and genuine, eyes darting sideways to catch a glimpse of Hux’s reaction.

The halls got less and less crowded until they reached a lift, where Ben reached out and pressed the ‘up’ button. Hux wanted to say something. He could tell Ben wanted to say something. Well, no, that wasn’t quite true. He wished Ben wanted to say something. He wanted to talk to him more, find out who he was.

The door swished open, revealing an empty lift, and once inside, Ben finally spoke.

“Sorry,” he said. “I’m not the best at socializing. Like. With other people. And honestly Ahren should’ve been the one escorting you but for some reason it was me, I don’t know whose bright idea that was--”

“You’re perfectly fine,” Hux cut in. “I kind of like it, actually. I’m not used to people being like that--where I come from, everyone was always so...confident. Well, my parents were.”

Ben’s face suddenly turned skeptical.

“Where do you come from?”

“Somewhere far away.” Hux smiled cheekily at Ben. “I’m allowed to keep secrets too, for the time being. Where do you come from?”

“Here,” Ben said, after some hesitation. “My parents have lived here as long as I can remember. I’ve never really done much. I train all the time. There’s not a lot more to do.”

“Like, to keep in shape? That sort of thing?”

The lift came to a stop and the door opened.

“Yeah,” Ben answered as they stepped out into what looked like a waiting room. “I guess I also just, like, run around. There’s a lot of awesome secret places, if you look hard enough.”

“Sounds cool. I wish I could see them,” Hux commented. “I don’t think I’m going to be here long, though. I was told to expect being sent elsewhere.”

“So you knew you were landing here?”

“Yes. Although I still don’t know where ‘here’ is.”

“How did you know, though?”

“It’s a long story.”

Ben gave him an unreadable look and stopped at the front desk, where a receptionist signed them out. She then called them back to give Hux a pair of slip-on shoes, scolding Ben for neglecting to give Hux clothes (Ben blushed furiously and Hux felt even more affection toward him). They headed for the door once again, and, again, plunged into silence.

Hux didn’t know what planet they were on, but was it a sight. Even with a subtle pounding in his head, he was able to appreciate the abundance of bright green grass and people (and non-people) milling all about.

Green, he thought to himself. I missed you.

Ben looked at him with a shy fascination, but quickly turned away when Hux returned his gaze. Hux was steered toward a squat, round building and led inside, instantly feeling slightly uncomfortable at his lack of clothing. Everything was shades of dark green or brown, and Hux felt very out of place, like a white shell embedded in brown soil. Ben expertly guided Hux through several passages and back hallways until they reached a heavy door, which Ben swung open.

Inside, there was a desk, large and wooden and solid. Papers were strewn all over the surface and a tired-looking woman hunched over them, sitting on the edge of a creaky-looking chair.

“Mom?” Ben asked, leaning on the doorframe. The woman lifted her head, and her expression was weary, but she smiled at the sight of her son. She was fairly small, middle-aged, and wore her hair in a crown on her head. She looked, somehow, like she’d been many places in her life, and had left a lot behind.

“Hi, dear. Have you brought our castaway with you?”

Ben moved aside to reveal Hux. The woman frowned.

“Ben, I told you to get him something to wear.”

“I know, I thought Ahren was taking care of it. I’m sorry.”

The woman sighed, then stood. She really was small, even Hux (who had always been the shortest back at the academy) stood tall over her.

“I’m General Marjoh,” she said, making eye contact with Hux. “I run this base. My apologies for keeping you in the dark about all this, but we usually operate confidentially.”

“I’m Hux,” Hux said, before he could think of an alternate name. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” the general replied, reaching to shake Hux’s hand. “Come have a seat, I’d like to ask you a few questions.” She gestured to a couch at the back of the room, which Hux sat on. “You can go, Ben. Thank you.”

Ben smiled briefly at his mother, timidly at Hux, and then he left.

“Alright,” Marjoh said, shutting the door. “I hope you’re feeling all right, I heard you took a blow to the head...”

“I’m fine,” Hux answered. “Supposedly I have a mild concussion, but that’s never stopped me.”

Marjoh laughed quietly and then sat back down at her desk, facing Hux.

“Well, I think we should get right to it. I’m sure you must have a lot of questions, but allow me to throw a few at you first. It’s a gift that you’re being so amiable about this.”

“I’m attempting to be.”

“You’re doing an excellent job. First off, could you just tell me how you ended up arriving here? You all but materialized in the middle of nowhere, and it was only by luck that one of our pilots found you.”

Hux thought for a moment. He didn’t want anything to do with the First Order anymore, so he’d have to completely fabricate a new story. The only thing to figure out was how far back to go...

“I suppose it started when I got roped into some troublemaking with a few friends. We stole something that was apparently of great value to the First Order. They chased us for a while and I was arrested but my friends managed to escape. I was taken back to their base and was being held in a cell when a woman named Zan who claimed to be a Resistance pilot escaped somehow. I ended up helping her escape in an evacuation ship.”

“Where is she now?”

Hux shifted, eyes downcast.

“We went through an unexpected asteroid belt just before we entered the atmosphere, and...well, her eject lever malfunctioned. I was able to make it out, but the ship ended up in a lake with her still in it.”

Marjoh leaned back in her seat, one hand rested over her mouth.

“I didn’t land very smoothly, which is probably how I injured myself. From there I walked as far as I could in hopes of finding civilization, but I passed out after a few hours. I suppose that’s when I was found.”

The general nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry about Zan,” Hux offered. “Did you know her?”

“Quite well,” Marjoh replied. “She was...” The woman, sighed, looking at Hux again sitting forward in her chair. “Hux, is that your first name?”

Hux, taken aback by the unexpected question, hesitated.

The truth was, he almost couldn’t remember. It had been so long since anyone had called him by his first name--his parents had started calling him by his last name before he entered the academy, allowing him to “become used to” being called by it.

And how was he supposed to trust this woman with it? He’d been kept uninformed about a lot of important pieces of information--who she was in the grand scheme of things and what planet he was on, for example. Why should he entrust her with something so personal?

In the end, it was his inability to think of an alias (again, damn it) and his awareness of the growing silence that made him speak it.

“Brendol,” he said, meeting Marjoh’s eyes in a display of complete truth.

Marjoh furrowed her brow, titling her head to the side.

“And are you, Brendol, completely in disaffiliation with the First Order?”

Panic, hot and cold at the same time, sparked in Hux’s chest.

“I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

“Don’t try lying anymore. I know where you come from.” Marjoh shook her head. “Just answer the question, will you?”

Hux swallowed.

To hell with it all.

“Yes,” he declared. “I am. I’m never going back.”

And then, to Hux’s complete and utter fascination, Marjoh smiled.

“Good,” she said, nodding. “The hands of those tyrants are no place for a young man like yourself.”

“Pardon me, but how did you manage to find out about--?”

“Since you’ve given me your real name, I’ll give you mine. I’m General Leia Organa, commander of the Resistance Base.”

Hux gaped at her. And then, steadily, he nodded.

“I understand now,” he said. “All of the...I knew it had to be something like this.”

“I could tell you knew. You’re obviously smart.”

“Thank you very much, but how did you...”

“Just because my brother was the famous Force-user, doesn’t mean that I don’t have it.”

“Is he here on the base? Luke Skywalker?”

“I’m afraid I’ve told you all that I can for now. You deserve to know who you’re talking to, but I’m afraid it’s still too risky for me to give away all of my secrets.” The general raised her eyebrows good-naturedly. “How about you tell me how much of your story was true?”

“All of it was true, except...I’ve been in the academy for nearly as long as I can remember. When a captured Resistance pilot escaped, I saw it as an opportunity.”

“Well, the Resistance is indebted to you for aiding her.” General Organa looked terribly sad for a millisecond, but composed herself quickly. “Where do you plan to go now? It’s the least we can do to get you there.”

“I...” Hux thought for a moment, but his mind was blank. “I don’t know.”

“I can give you a few days to think on it, if need be.” The woman stood, smiling knowingly at Hux. “I’m sure there’s somewhere for you to stay here until then.”

“That would be...excellent, actually. Thank you.” Hux stood also, making his way to the door.

“It’s the least I can do,” General Organa repeated. She put a hand on Hux’s shoulder. “It takes a great deal of power to break away from the dark, Hux. You must be strong.”

Hux wasn’t sure if the dark had ever had a firm hold on him. He wondered that fact would warrant as much praise or if it was just his nature.

“Thank you,” he said, regardless. “I’m honored.” He shared one last smile with the general before she opened the door and led him out.

~*~

Hux’s room was too big.

It lacked Sahl and Donnsky flirting and throwing things at each other. It lacked Vern scowling and telling them to shut up so he could do his homework. It lacked Hux’s things strewn all over his bed.

For the first time in a long time, Hux felt properly lonely.

He sat on the impeccably made bed in his new clothes (brown and green, like everything else), and wondered what he should do.

He’d counted to seventy-three when the door opened and Ben’s head poked in the room.

“Hi,” the boy said.

“Hi,” Hux responded.

“Um, I was just--it’s almost lunch, and I’m going to get some food and hang around. Do you want to come?”

“Sure.” Hux got up and went with Ben, following him to the front door of the barracks.

“It was kind of dark in there,” Ben commented as they went out into the fresh air.

“Well, I have been told I’m a ‘creature of the night,’” Hux quipped easily. Ben let out a small giggle, which made Hux’s heart soar a bit. “What do you do around here for fun?”

“Well, like I said, I train a lot.” Ben looked wary all of the sudden. “How much did my mother tell you?”

“I know about all of the--you know. Resistance stuff.”

“Oh! Okay. Yeah. Well, now you understand why I don’t do much else. Training under a Jedi master kind of takes up all of your time.”

Hux laughed.

“I didn’t know about that.” He grinned at Ben, who paled. “When I asked about Luke Skywalker she said something about secrets and then asked me more questions.”

Ben groaned, tilting his head back.

“I’m terrible,” he said miserably.

“On the contrary,” Hux replied playfully, sticking a finger in the air to prove his point.

“Don’t tell her I told you that, she’ll murder me.”

“I’ll never tell another soul.”

“Good.” They reached the door to the mess hall, which Ben held open.

“Why, thank you.” Hux breezed by him and into the bustle of people.

Once they’d piled their trays high, they snuck them out through the back door and ventured among the many hills that rolled through the base.

They talked in excited bursts, each eager to learn new things about the other. Ben told Hux about his parents and living on the base, and Hux told Ben about the great romance between his two roommates, leaving out the bit about how ‘the academy’ was under the First Order.

“I’ve never had many friends,” Ben admitted after a few hours of talking had passed. He was lying on his back, facing the burnt-sugar sky. Hux was sitting next to him. “It’s always been me and Ahren, who’s one of the other padawan--she was with me in the infirmary earlier. And I suppose there’s Rey, too. Although I don’t know her that well, which is weird considering we have the same master.”

“What are they like?”

“Ahren and Rey?”

“Yes.”

“Ahren’s kind of bossy. She’s always having me running around doing things. I don’t even know why, I’m older than she is.” He stopped here to smile at Hux’s light laugh. “But she’s nice. And I tell her everything. Well, we tell each other everything. She’s the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever have. And Rey...she’s a bit quiet. She’s an orphan, I know that. And she’s very powerful, even though she’s only been a padawan for the last year. I bet she’s alright, once you get to know her. But I’m a bit afraid of her, to be honest.”

“Hm.”

“What are your roommates like, apart from being disgustingly in love?”

“Well, I have three, actually. There’s four of us all together. Sahl, the one who sent the love letters, is very...loud. He has a lot of energy, and not much of a filter. He gets in trouble a lot.” Hux laid back on the grass next to Ben, enjoying its soft prickle on the back of his neck. “He does this thing where he doesn’t really take sides...he just acts on how he’s feeling. It’s something I’ve always admired and hated simultaneously.”

“I’d hate it. I hate it when people are hard to figure out.”

“Yeah, it’s a bit annoying. But, if you knew Sahl long enough, you could see there was a pattern to what he did and learn when he was going to do it. He is a bit wild, though.”

Ben smirked.

“As for Donnsky,” Hux resumed, “he was just...nice. Is nice. I’ve got to stop using past tense.” Hux shook his head before continuing. “He’s Sahl’s boyfriend. He’s got this quiet friendliness about him, like he’ll trust you no matter what. And, of course, that makes you trust him and spill every last secret you have. There were a lot of nights where we just talked and joked and confessed until wake-up. Those were the best.”

“He sounds like a good friend.” Ben looked over at Hux, a small smile on his mouth.

“He was. Is . Dammit.”

“What about the third one?”

“Oh, that’s Vern. He’s a bit of a weasel. He’s very uptight, meaning I usually took it into my hands to hide romantic gestures of any kind from him. I don’t think he’s from a very wealthy family, meaning he had to work hard to get into the academy. He certainly doesn’t take any nonsense.”

Ben hummed thoughtfully, turning his face to the sky again.

“We should probably go in,” the boy said. “I got today off, but I should still let my master know I haven’t been catapulted off into space.”

“That might be wise.”

The boys stood, brushing grass from their clothes and picking up the discarded trays. They trekked down the hill, a breeze promising warmer months to come passing over them.

The sky was all of the colors Hux dreamt about regularly--crimson and magenta and brilliant saffron. Orange clouds presented themselves as wisps above the horizon, flowing out toward the land as if trying to escape being pulled out of sight. A familiar smell drifted in and out and around and everywhere--petrichor, Hux realized. The thing that haunted him in the confines of his bunk at the academy. A phantom smell that he’d grown accustomed to.

Hux wondered why it overtook him now. Maybe the universe was playing some sly trick on him.

After discreetly returning the trays, Hux bid Ben goodbye and set off to his room.

Sleep came easily and, unfortunately, soaked in color and whispered words that Hux couldn’t quite understand.


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feat. teenage feelings
> 
> Things to Know:  
> a) don't care if pumpkins are a thing in Hux's world  
> b) I've been kind of in love with slightly force-sensitive Hux since the beginning :3  
> c) there was another mistake in this but I can't remember what it is so disregard it god i'm tired it's two in the fucking morning  
> d) added a some lil soundtrack things that I was listening to while writing. feel free to listen to the "tears" one at the same time as the forest noises or not.  
> :^)

[Dream](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8rmcFj6Bew)

_The tall, dry grass tickled Hux’s hands as he walked through it. Tumbling from a hole in the sky was a thick, viscous waterfall, directed at a tunnel in the ground._

_“It needs to go on the grass,” Hux said aloud. “It needs to water the grass.”_

_He tried to move the waterfall, but he couldn’t touch it. When he reached his hands out to guide the liquid, they somehow just…didn’t._

_Hux grew frustrated, annoyance scalding him from the inside._

_“Come on!” he cried. “Come on!”_

_“You must not,” a voice said._

_“Not what?” Hux yelled._

_“You must stay,” the voice said._

_“Stay here?” Hux shouted._

_“You must save him,” the voice said. “Save him.”_

_Stay._

_Stay._

_Stay._

_Save him._

 

Black. He was awake, pulled from the strange dream. The room was quiet, and dark when Hux opened his eyes.

His heart was beating fast, making his chest shudder with little tremors in time with it. He tried to slow his quivering breath, but the attempt just made him lightheaded.

With a careful exhale, Hux hauled himself up into a sitting position and swung his feet to the floor, grasping his forehead at the headrush that fogged his thoughts. He stood cautiously after a while and padded to the door where he slipped on the pair of shoes from the infirmary.

The hall was dark. Hux wandered to the end of it, shaking and unable to stop.

Something led him out the doors, through the empty gathering of buildings, and to the hill he’d visited earlier that day. He sat on the chilled grass, facing away from the mess hall and the barracks, out toward the forest. He watched his breath for a few moments. The air was cool against his skin.

_Save him._

Save who? Had it been someone in the dream? Hux’s mind was prone to fabricating characters and getting attached to them, and this wouldn’t be the first time that he’d been sent some otherworldly message pertaining to one of his creations.

_Save him._

It felt different this time, like he was being commanded.

Maybe he was delusional.

A soft noise sounded from over the hill, like a rustling. As it neared, Hux realized it wasn’t a rustling but the sound of someone breathing--breathing quite heavily.

“Hello?” he called quietly. A gasp followed by a ‘thump’ came from behind him.

“Ow,” a voice said.

“Is someone there?” Hux paused in the dark.

“Yeah. Um, who are you?”

“Hux.”

“Oh! It’s Ben.”

Hux tugged himself up, walking to the top of the hill to meet the other boy. Ben was a silhouette, shivering against the starry sky.

“What are you doing out here?” Hux asked.

“What are _you_ doing out here?”

“Couldn’t sleep. I needed air.”

“Me too. Actually.” Ben sat at the top of the hill. Hux followed suit, face turning toward the rest of the universe.

Space was its black, textureless self, and Hux finally thought he understood what Donnsky had said that one time--about how the stars seemed like little holes pricked in the fabric of the sky. Hux had found it a bit foolish and romantic at the time Donnsky had mentioned the comparison, but while actually sitting under the glittering lights, it was easy to imagine some deity taking a needle to the black velvet.

He supposed he was becoming a bit of a poet himself, thanks to the recent onslaught of new sights and feelings.

“I don’t know where to go,” Hux said to break the silence, words clouding the air. “I mean, I want to go everywhere. I want to see things.”

“Weren’t you already seeing things before you came here?”

“I’ve been in school since I was too young to explore.”

“Oh.”

Hux uprooted some of the grass near his left knee. He marveled at the coincidence of the situation—the fact that they’d been awake at the same time of night was strange by itself, much less running into each other in this certain out-of-the-way spot. Something about Hux’s dream that he couldn’t remember pinged in the back of his mind, and he found himself feeling regretful and somewhat unhappy. Startled by these sudden emotions, he cleared his throat and quickly tried to think of something different.

“It’s like a dream,” Hux finally said. “Being this far away from everything I’ve ever known. On the fucking Resistance base, no less.”

“Dreams are funny,” Ben mused, leaning back on his elbows.

“They are,” Hux agreed. “Actually, that’s what brought me out here in the first place.”

“Nightmare?”

“No.” Hux played with the severed grass, running his fingertips over the small, soft blades. “Not by my comparison.”

“Do you get nightmares a lot?” Ben sounded nervous. Hux wasn’t quite sure why.

“I used to,” he responded. “Do you?”

“I—” Ben’s breathing sped up, and Hux heard shuffling beside him. “Yes.”

“Did you have one just now?”

Ben only let out a shaky breath, sitting up again and brushing off his elbows.

“I don’t know if I should be making friends with you,” he murmured. “You seem perfectly nice and all and I'm sure I’d like to get to know you in any other situation, but…I mean, you’re just going to leave.” Ben wouldn’t look at Hux. Hux laughed a little, trying to dispel whatever was brewing in the air.

“I know, it’s a bit bizarre. And you’re probably right. But still…” Hux hugged his knees to his chest, a cool breeze flowing right through his thin pajamas. “It’s like…well, like a dream, as I said. This whole thing. We’re at this strange sort of halfway point, like we know each other but we don’t. You’re almost a stranger but I have all of these little bits of information about you.”

“It is weird,” Ben agreed. His gaze was fixed ahead, like he was almost afraid to look at Hux. “And I’m not really sure what to do.”

Hux turned to him decisively.

“Well, we might not ever meet again, but I think for now I could use someone to talk to and you could use someone new. Don’t you agree?”

“Yeah…”

“Then,” Hux continued, “tell me about your dreams.”

The other boy shook his head slowly, eyes cast downward.

“I’m sorry, I...I don’t know if I should. I’ve already told you things I probably shouldn’t have, and I might…” Ben worried his lower lip in between his teeth, clearly disliking himself for saying anything.

“That’s all right.” Hux drew away from the boy, finally giving up. Disappointment pricked him uncomfortably, but he ignored it. “You don’t have to. I should go in anyway.” He stood and the realization of how cold the night was hit him flat in the face, in the form of a chilled wind.

Ben didn’t speak, but he looked like he wanted to. He kept opening his mouth and then closing it, as if he was waiting for the right words to come along. Hux paused for a few moments in case Ben did say something, but after a while he left with a simple, “goodnight.”

When he went back to sleep that night, he didn’t dream anymore.

~*~

Hux slept past the next morning and into the afternoon, waking up absolutely ravenous.

After swiping some food and standing around doing nothing for a good deal of time, he decided that he had absolutely no idea what he was doing (for the fourth time since the day before, no less) and laughed quietly at himself for being such a simpleton.

So he meandered aimlessly around the various buildings—training spaces, barracks, mess hall, office building, infirmary—mainly just for the hell of it. Hux wasn’t sure he’d ever meandered in his life, since the whole of it had been closely monitored by either his father or the Academy. The simple act of wandering seemed to make him feel like he was already distancing himself from the rest of his experiences, a phenomenon that only catered to Hux's perplexment.

When Hux became tired of meandering, he made his way over to the little hill he’d grown fond of and sat down (what else was there to do), admiring the beautiful landscape with what felt like fresh eyes.

He’d begun to notice a slight panic rising in him at the lack of direction and a desire for someone to tell him what to do—notions that, most likely, stemmed from being made a student his entire life. He craved another talk with General Organa, who’d seemingly been the only person capable of giving sensible advice to Hux. He longed to ask her for guidance, or not even that. Something.

But, Hux realized, talking to her would mean he’d have to be escorted to her office (or at least be given directions) by one Ben of the Awkward Midnight Encounter.

Excellent, he thought, huffing out a large sigh. He wasn’t even sure where Ben was. Most likely with his master, “training” or doing whatever else padawan do.

Hux felt, for what seemed like the thousandth time, both very confused and very overwhelmed.

The sky didn’t seem to share his sentiment.

“Hey, is someone up there?”

At the sound of someone coming over the hill, Hux had simultaneously hoped and feared that the someone was Ben—but the call of a higher, unfamiliar voice raised a certain inexplicable disappointment in him.

“Yes,” Hux responded dutifully, standing to find himself face-to-face with the twi’lek from—was it really only the day before? Hux supposed so.

Time crawls when all of your obligations suddenly cease to exist.

“You're Hux, right?” The twi’lek was much shorter than him and very slight of build, but she was clearly in excellent shape (Hux noticed from the muscles she sported on seemingly every visible part of her body). Her skin was a dusty orange up close, like the outside of a pumpkin.

“I am,” Hux affirmed.

“Good,” she replied, leisurely canting one hip to the side. “Ben told me I might find you here.”

“Are you Ahren?”

“Yep. Ahrenja, actually, but everyone stopped using my full name a long time ago.”

“Oh. Well, um, it's nice to meet you. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yeah. General Organa has requested your presence. She sent me to come get you—I’m assuming you don’t know your way around the main office building yet.”

“No, I don’t.” Again, Hux felt a mix of contradictory feelings pertaining to fact that he wouldn’t have to find Ben after all. “Thanks for helping me.”

“Anytime. I get out of my lessons this way.” Ahren smirked, jerking her head in the direction of the building below, and the two set off down the hill.

Ahren was, from what Hux you tell, everything Ben had described. Truthfully, she reminded Hux of Sahl—and he wondered if she and his former roommate would get along or hate each other instantly.

Hux was led underground, where a control center bustled with activity. Ahren pointed him toward a worn-out looking General Organa, and then threw him a cheery farewell and went on her way.

“General?” Hux asked as he approached the woman. “You wanted to see me?”

General Organa turned to face Hux.

“Oh, yes,” she said. “I wanted to check in on you. How are you faring?”

“All right...” Hux trailed off. The general raised her eyebrows. “I...” Hux twisted his hands together uneasily. “I’m just--I’ve realized I may need some help.”

An easy smile blossomed on General Organa's face.

“I’m assuming this is about your next destination?”

“Yes,” Hux admitted. “I don’t exactly know where to go.”

“I figured something of the sort.” General Organa began guiding Hux away from the loud business of people. “Although I thought it would take you a few more days to realize what you’ve just come out of. I understand that fleeing from your home, even if it’s the right thing to do, can be a bit of a shock.”

“Where do you suggest I go?”

“That’s for you to decide. Which by no means has to be done quickly--you should give yourself time to adjust to a lifestyle outside of the academy. I’m afraid that’s the only advice I can give you, for now. Let yourself rest, Hux. You have time to do so.”

“Are you saying you’d let me stay here?”

“Yes, while you get your bearings. I could even find a way for you to make yourself useful, if you’d like.”

“Thank you, that’s a very generous offer...” Hux tried to gather his reeling thoughts. “But I might have to get back to you. I’m still a bit...disoriented.”

“Of course.” The general nodded. “Come see me whenever you need to.”

“Thank you.” Hux nodded and turned to find his way back above ground, feeling almost as out of place as before.

He decided to take a walk.

The forest beckoned to him, its radiant greenness seeming to generate its own light. Hux barely kept himself from running to it, eager to explore the shadows once again, this time with a mind more or less cleared of injury.

[Forest](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZjDi3Ooqx8)

Hux drew in a deep breath of wood air when he slipped into the tree-covered land, savoring the fresh, damp smell of moss and bark. He wondered how many times he’d imagined walking through a forest like the one he was in, trying desperately to fill in the missing parts that he’d never been able to see. Now they were all around him, from the strange, fur-like plants hanging from some branches to the odd-looking fungus growing on toppled trunks.

Hux’s boots drew soft crunches from the pebbles and various leaves under them--and suddenly he had the urge to remove his shoes and feel the texture of the soil against his skin. He did so, and, with boots dangling loosely in one hand, continued on his way through the forest.

Sunlight caught a small stream babbling by, making it glitter and flash invitingly. Hux set down his shoes and stepped over to the brook, curious at what the water might feel like.

A breath of something like relief was released into the air as the calm water covered Hux’s feet. It was cool as it flowed unobtrusively by, making the green plants underwater sway serenely back and forth, back and forth. Hux felt hypnotized by the movement of the simple, clear liquid, eyes fixed on the crystalline shimmer of its surface.

Colors ran together as Hux’s vision blurred, and for a moment he thought his concussion was making itself known--but as hot tears began to slip down his face he realized something else entirely had manifested in him.

Hux choked on a breath in an urgent attempt to keep his tears silent, but as they flowed out of his eyes in rivulets he found he had no control over them or the quiet sobs that were wedging themselves between his breaths. He sank down to sit at the edge of the water, one hand covering his face.

There was no idea in Hux’s mind as to what he was crying about--he didn’t feel anything except an overwhelming sentimentality. Anger toward himself overcame him, unprecedented, and he sat there hating and weeping and utterly unsure of anything.

To his complete and unfortunate luck, it wasn’t long before Ben and Ahren and another girl Hux assumed was Rey came tromping noisily into his corner of the forest. Hux quickly stifled his wretched sobbing and wiped the salt from his face, although he knew if the group came closer they’d easily be able to tell what had been going on.

“Look,” Hux heard Ahren say discreetly to Ben, elbowing him and nodding in Hux’s direction. Ben cautiously glanced Hux’s way and raised his hand in a little wave. Hux waved back but found himself almost unable to smile without bursting into tears all over again.

Damn unpredictable emotions.

[Tears](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1RAzYnMPSs)

Ben seemed to hesitate, looking between the two other padawan and Hux. Then he murmured something to Ahren, who nodded and gestured for Rey to follow her. The two headed off deeper into the forest, leaving Ben standing a little ways away from Hux.

“Hey,” Ben said, starting slowly in Hux’s direction. “I’m sorry about yesterday--”

“It’s all right,” Hux responded quickly, willing his voice not to waver. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Ben stopped across the stream from Hux, sitting crosslegged on the spongy ground.

“I kind of feel like I did, though,” he said. “I don’t mean to be hostile, but sometimes I come off that way.”

“I’m telling you, you’re fine. I don’t--” Hux’s voice broke as he fought off another oncoming wave of heartsickness. He looked at his feet, which were starting to prune in the icy water, while Ben scooted closer in his peripheral.

“Are you okay?” the other boy asked gingerly, and Hux dissolved.

Tears began, once again, to drip down his chin and mingle with the clear water below. Shuddering breaths racked his chest, no matter how hard he tried to force them away. He felt like an idiot, crying in front of this boy he barely knew, desperately resisting to look up into his face (which was now, undoubtedly, quite concerned). He tensed when Ben crossed the stream to sit beside him.

“What’s wrong?” Ben offered, gentle.

“I don’t know,” Hux responded, laughing through his tears. This, in turn, only made them come in greater number.

“It sure looks like something’s wrong,” Ben said. Hux dared to look at his face, albeit cautiously. “Or, you could just be someone who cries all the time. I don’t know, I guess I...” Ben’s words faltered, his mouth hanging slightly open. He was quite close, Hux realized, close enough that Hux could see the boy’s eyes flicking back and forth between his own.

Suddenly, Hux wanted to kiss him.

That hadn’t happened in a while.

“...I don’t really know anything about you,” Ben finished. His brow furrowed as if this was a recent discovery. “Do I?”

“No,” Hux said, drawing his gaze hastily away from Ben’s. “And you’re right, that’s probably how it should stay.”

“Forget what I said last night,” Ben burst out. “I was scared. I say stupid things when I’m scared, which is just a dumb fault of mine.” Hux looked uncertainly back at the other boy. “Look, it doesn’t matter that you’re leaving--”

“I might not be, actually,” Hux cut in. “Not for a while.”

Something inexplicable, like a warmth, glowed quite suddenly from Ben’s direction.

“Oh,” was all the boy said, but his tone betrayed him, as did the tiny smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth. “How long is a while?”

“I don’t know yet,” Hux replied, Ben’s infectious smile tricking one of his own into appearing. “As long as it takes for me to figure out what I’m doing.”

“Could be a long time, then.” Ben smirked when Hux hit him playfully on the shoulder. Hux had stopped crying now, the salt dried in tracks on his cheeks.

“I’d like to stay for the rest of summer, maybe.” He rested his forearms on his knees, admiring the clear, blue sky, and then turning back to Ben timidly. “It’s so lovely here.”

“Yeah,” Ben said, meeting Hux’s eyes in full for what seemed like the first time. “I guess it’s beautiful, isn’t it?” A real smile played around his lips as Ben studied Hux with a fondness that Hux was almost positive hadn’t been there before.

The moment didn’t last, however.

“Shit,” Ben said suddenly, his expression turning to dread. “Shit, shit, shit--I have to go--” He made to stand hurriedly, but his foot slid over the edge of the stream, causing him to lose his balance and go plummeting into the cool water.

Hux paused for a moment, shocked and covered in droplets of brook, before an uncontrollable laugh bubbled its way up his throat and out of his mouth. Ben looked too surprised to do anything, submersed waist-deep in the creek, but soon a bout of laughter and a wide grin joined Hux’s own, the sounds fluttering and swirling about in the air.

Hux grabbed ahold of Ben’s hand and helped him out of the stream.

“Fuck, that’s cold,” Ben shuddered, wringing out the ends of his robes.

“Yeah, it’s--”

“What is going on here?” Both boys turned at the sound of the new voice behind them. It was an old man in a brown cloak, with wiry, grey shoulder-length hair and what looked like a mechanical--

A mechanical hand.

 _That_ mechanical hand?

Rey and Ahren were standing close behind the man, an uncomfortable look on Rey’s face and a triumphant one on Ahren’s.

“I’m sorry, Master Luke,” Ben said, head bowed. “I was just on my way to the session but I tripped and fell in a stream...”

_Master Luke._

_Luke fucking Skywalker._

Luke (fucking!) Skywalker gave Ben a knowing look.

“This is unacceptable, Padawan,” he said. “You can’t simply skip lessons because of your friends, do you understand?”

“Yes, Master,” Ben sighed. He shot Hux one final, secret smile before walking away to join his master and the other two padawan.

Luke eyed Hux briefly, thoughtfully. Hux blushed and looked away, slightly mortified.

The sounds of their footsteps faded and Hux was alone again with an even more confusing mess of emotions than before.

He couldn’t decide whether or not the walk had been a good idea.


End file.
